Web Design
by Pika-Zukin
Summary: [complete] Tracey's away at school, and he misses his girlfriend deeply. Shingo discovers a new side of himself, and he longs to explore it. Will they give in to their subconscious desires together? Parallel to Eternal Winter 2, which is forthcoming.
1. read:01

WARNING: Shounen-ai content. That means boy/boy love, if you don't already know. I'm going to stick with fluff over sex for this one, though. So there won't be anything graphic here, but if you don't like to read about two boys with crushes on one another, turn back now.  
I've wanted to work with this pairing for awhile now. I tried to write a parody fic about him, but it never got off the ground. Who here remembers Shingo, the Scizor trainer from "Wired for Battle"? He may be arrogant and stubborn, but damn, is he cute. I love him to pieces after a few repeated viewings. ^^  
This takes place during the soon-to-be-written Eternal Winter II. Tracey has just started his first term at Pokémon Tech, outside of Vermilion City. The point of views switch back and forth, but you'll know whose is whose.  
--Neekachu

**read:/01**

_[Shingo]_

There's something I greatly enjoy about hearing my own fingers pressing on the keys of my laptop. Like it's proof that I'm alive, maybe. But I've found that I can't take notes in class in a paper notebook like everyone else. I'm not the only one, though. After I cleared it with the professor -- with all of my professors -- others started doing it, too. At least I don't stand out as much. And I can multitask all I like. Because honestly, I've got better things to do in classes where I already know the material.

I know Mr. Muramasa had good intentions. I also know that I earned a special place in his heart again when I swallowed my pride and apologized to him for being such a jerk.

_"Mr. Muramasa, forgive me. I was only trying to form my own brand of learning about Pokémon. It's... it's our way. How we always do things in my family."_ I really had meant it. Trailblazing is Primavera tradition.

_"Don't apologize, Shingo,"_ my teacher had said. _"I know that I myself am a devout traditionalist. You are brilliant, and I know your talent. Remember, I tutored your sister personally."_

I sighed at the memory. Even in my own thoughts, my sister's presence haunted me.

Mr. Muramasa concluded that his work with me was done. He contacted my family and personally told them that I would be top material for the Pokémon Technical Institute. They were thrilled, of course. With a degree from PokéTech, I could be a top Pokémon researcher. Unfortunately, I had all these first-level classes to get credits for. I'd learned everything taught in here over the years of looking up the material in my spare time. There was nothing they could teach me on the breeding habits of Nidoran or the social order of Pikachu. So my hours in classes were usually spent working on side projects. A little bit of work in developing something (after the success of the previous project, which was displayed at PokéCon just a month ago), cracking some code, trying to compose a letter to my older sister. I was so bored.

I'm always bored. I was bored at Muramasa's school. The thrill of being the top student at that tiny place wore off quickly.

I glanced at the clock in the corner of my window. Class should have started. I looked up to the front of the auditorium, and the professor was talking to a student. I hadn't seen him in class before. And it occured to me that it was rather late in the semester for a new addition. This one must have been pretty exceptional. He looked rather nervous. His hands gripped a well-worn notebook held down in front of his midsection. I smiled to myself. Maybe he was a kindred spirit, someone who knew the value of having a comfort object. His sketchbook was almost the same size as my laptop, anyway.

I blinked and shook my head, the smile dropping at the same rate my heart sank into my stomach. What kind of a thought was _that?_ I had to stop watching so much ecchi anime.

I rested my chin on the back of my hand and stared at my screen. I needed to start bringing headphones to class so I could listen to my mp3s. I really was turning into a bad student. But honestly, I was here for the attendance. If they were taking attendance in an auditorium this size. I looked around at my classmates. Most of them were talking, some flipping through the text, some dozing off already. The sight of the latter made me yawn. That's when I noticed Giselle staring in my direction. I whipped my head back to face my laptop, infuriated. She was still obsessed with me.

I quickly opened notepad and typed gibberish, hoping it would look to Giselle like I was engrossed with some code. I didn't need her coming over to sit next to me. Luckily my backpack and coat were in the seat beside me, the aisle to my other side. I only looked up when I detected movement in front of me. Sketchbook Boy was sitting down in front of me. His head was bent downwards, and I briefly wondered if he was looking at his book, and what kinds of drawings were in it.

- - -

_[Tracey]_

My palms were sweating as I stepped into my first class on my first day at Pokétech. It would have been easier if I was starting at the beginning of the term, but this was November. I should have waited until January. Professor Oak insisted I go now, though, because I could easily complete the first batch of required classes with my prior hands-on knowledge. And he'd worked it out with the administration. When the top Pokémon researcher in the world sends his personal apprentice to school, he arranges everything neatly. It felt like cheating, but I knew it wasn't really. I just didn't need the basic knowledge that other first-years come here for. I did, however, need the credits.

So there I was, standing at the foot of an auditorium full of maybe a hundred students. I hadn't been in a classroom since middle school. And standing in front of so many people still gave me chills. They were all staring at me, judging me, ready to single me out because I was different. I felt fat again. No matter how many times Noelle would tell me how beautiful and built I was, I still felt like an overweight twelve-year-old. Just like my childhood self, I gripped my sketchbook, my prized possession.

I wanted to turn around and run out, throw away my textbooks and go back to watching Pokémon in the wild. That was the only way I knew how to learn: personal observation. How could I believe anything that someone else was telling me? Not all Pokémon are alike. In my four years of watching, I'd seen several unique Rattata, when the textbook I'd flipped through was trying to tell me that Rattata are the most generic and predictable Pokémon in existence. This was going against everything I believed. This wasn't right.

But I heard Professor Oak's voice telling me how proud he would be if I took over his research, his laboratory, and his title someday. He'd asked me, not his protégè Ash Ketchum, nor his own grandson, Gary. Me, the dorky assistant. I couldn't let the professor down by backing out of school due to my own social anxiety. He'd told me once I was the son he never had, which moved me to tears when I reflected upon it. My biological father disowned me, after all.

So the professor of Pokémon Biology 104 told me to take a seat, that of course it was okay that I was here so late, _the_ Professor Oak had sent me, after all. I thanked him and scanned the aisles for a seat that was relatively uncluttered by people. I found one near the back in front of a guy who had a laptop open in front of him. _Maybe he likes to hide, too,_ I thought as I walked up to the spot and claimed the seat. Instantly I opened my text and stared at it, but didn't read it. I thought instead of Noelle. Having my beautiful and friendly girlfriend by my side would have eased my tension greatly. But no, Pokétech was not meant for her. Besides, she was on her way to get something for her mentor, Professor Holly. And Noelle was... well... special in the world of Pokémon. She could understand and speak their language, all mentally. She was some kind of goddess, as she was dubbed in Poké-speech. I was quite certain Professor Holly would send her on a quest to find others with her gifts, as we were aware others did indeed exist.

The class ended, and I waited in my seat until most of the students had rushed out. I wasn't about to be herded out with the rest of them. As I packed up my books and zipped my backpack shut, I noticed Laptop Guy passing me; I guess he'd waited for everyone to leave too, so they wouldn't damage his computer, which he held at his side. A pretty girl with long brown hair bounded up the aisle stairs to greet him. "I waited for you!" she gushed.

I sighed. I wanted Noelle with me more than ever.

My next class, History of the Pokémon League, wasn't for another hour. I decided to go sit in the lobby of that class's building and draw, take my mind off my loneliness. I even let Marill out of her Pokéball for company.

"What do you think, Marill?" I asked as she studied her new surroundings. "It won't be so bad here, huh?"

"Mar-rill!" she said in her usual cheerful manner. I couldn't help but smile.

After my classes, I returned to my dorm. It was so quiet; I didn't even have a roommate. I didn't want one, and Professor Oak saw to that. I decided to call him, and tell him of my day, since Noelle wasn't near a phone that I was aware of. I went downstairs to the lobby to use the picture-phone, since I thought the sight of a familiar face might cheer me up.

"Ah, good evening, Tracey, m'boy," the professor said, smiling into the videophone. I could see the lab behind him, and it had returned to a semi-messy state. I chuckled. "You can't keep the place in shape without me, eh?"

Professor Oak chortled. "You'll have to go back to work when you're here on winter holiday," he said. "So how was your first day?"

"Pretty boring," I admitted. "My classes seem really easy.. I know this stuff already. And there are so many people here. It's overwhelming."

"Don't worry about that," Professor Oak assured me. "You'll do fine. And you'll breeze through those classes, too."

"I just miss my friends," I said. Then I shook my head. "I don't mean to complain.. you've put up with that enough."

"Now, now.. don't worry about that, either. I know you're nervous. Heck, I was too when I started university. Just do your best. It won't last forever."

"Thanks, Professor," I said. "I know it'll go okay, even if it might be a little lonely."

- - -

_[Shingo]_

"And for the last time, stop bringing random girls in here!" I shouted, probably more than was necessary. "I come in from the shower and what do I find?"

"A good example for you," replied my roommate, sprawled out on top of his bunk, bummed that I'd chased off his company. "You think I invite girls over just for me? I'm trying to help you, man. All you do is sit at your computer."

"Because I've got better things to do with my time!"

He rolled over onto his side and stared at me. "You know, Shingo.. you'd better stop acting like this. You're making me think you don't like girls at all."

"What!?" First he invades my privacy, and now he strikes a blow at my pride?

"C'mon, man.. you've got Giselle all over you, and you always push her off."

"That's because she's an obsessed psychopath!"

"So? She's hot."

"Then you take her! But not here! I thought we established some rules about that!"

"Hey, your computer's portable. You want to play with it, take it somewhere else. My bed isn't so portable."

I was near-fuming. "Not right now, I'm not," I said. "Besides, you can't kick me out. I'm wearing a towel."

Stupid me. He was bigger and stronger than I, and I found myself and my laptop being shoved out the door. Which was now locked. I pounded on it. _"How dare you! Open this door right now!"_ He answered me with loud music.

I wanted desparately to break something, but the only thing in my possession was my laptop, and I wasn't about to chuck that out of a window. I scowled at the door, then adjusted the towel around my waist and marched downstairs to the front desk.

"Excuse me," I said as politely as I could to the student behind the desk, "but my roommate is an ass and he locked me out."

"Hold on," she said, and turned back to her phone.

I glowered at her, but she didn't notice me. "But I.." I started to say. She wasn't even looking at me.

Thoroughly pissed, I set my laptop on the desk and started it up. "How do I get myself into these messes, Cacao?" I asked it. I opened my email program and began typing furiously. _"Dear Lorelei, I hate everyone. You were right to seclude yourself. When you're done lying to the League, can I move in with you? Please cover my dorm in ice for me. Love, Shingo."_

I didn't hit send, of course. Just like all the others I couldn't send to her.

I sighed and looked around the lobby. A guy and a girl were sitting in the plush chairs, watching TV. There was a guy at one of the picture-phones. In fact, it was Sketchbook Boy from my earlier biology class.

"Excuse me," I said to the girl behind the desk again, "please can I have a key to my room? I'd like to put on some clothes." She waved her hand up and down at me.

Sketchbook Boy was finished with the phone, and he was walking toward the stairwell, which meant he had to pass me. He was looking at me curiously, which I imagine everyone in existence was doing, since I only had on a freaking towel. Then we were making eye contact. I wanted to murder my roommate. Instead I think I took it out on the general public. "You wouldn't happen to have a weapon of mass destruction, would you?" I asked him.

He paused, unsure of whether to be amused or frightened, I'm sure. "Can't help you there," he said. "But I do have an experienced Scyther."

My heart sank. "Oh, God," I groaned. "My Pokémon are in that room! I need a key, now!" I pounded my hands once on the desk for emphasis. "If I had Blade, that guy would be gutless by now!"

The student approached the desk and handed me a key. "There you go. Sorry about the wait," she said, smiling as if nothing had happened.

I shut down Cacao and snatched the key, but holding both items proved difficult when I felt my towel slipping. "Um.." I stammered. "Would you mind..?" I held out my laptop to Sketchbook Boy.

He looked a little dumbstruck, but I hoisted my towel and marched to the stairwell. I was getting cold. It wasn't until he and I walked up a flight that I realized why he looked shocked. He couldn't have known that I didn't just hand my computer over to anyone, but he understood that he was being asked to hold a very precious possession.

"Um, sorry about shoving her to you like that," I said, "but it was either that or lose my towel."

He laughed nervously. "You wouldn't want to drop it, no. Um, your laptop. It's nice."

"Thanks," I said. "At least she wasn't left in the room with him."

"Roommate problems?"

"You have no idea. Is yours an asshole, too?"

"Oh.. um, I don't have a roommate."

"You lucky boy," I said. "You have no idea..."

I unlocked my door and found the room empty. "Damn it all," I mumbled. "Figures he would leave." I checked for two things on my desk: my keys and my Pokéballs. Each was there, untouched. "Thank God. He probably left to track down his flavor of the night."

Sketchbook Boy glanced around the room. I think I was scaring him to death. He didn't look physically timid, but then again, I wasn't being a normal classmate. I took a deep breath, trying to be calm, thinking of water, like Lorelei always said. "Sorry about all that," I said. "Thanks for carrying my computer."

"Sure," he said, handing it to me. I took it from him and set it gently on the desk. "Her name's Cacao," I said.

He stepped closer to my desk and bent down to face the screen. "Hi, Cacao, it's good to meet you," he said. "My name's Tracey."

I blinked at him. It seemed incredibly funny, but I guess considering the evening I was having, anything slightly amusing would be hilarious. His timidness must have worn off. He glanced at me and my expression, which must have also been hilarious, and laughed.

I laughed too. "I'm Shingo," I said. "You're in my biology class."

"Oh yeah.. I should have recognized Cacao. Geez, first I totally blank out on who she is, then I'm carrying her in a rush up to her room."

I snickered at that. "She must pick it up from my roommate's friends."

"Ack.. he does sound like an asshole."

"God... do you really live alone? You're so lucky."

"Well, roommates are weird. I mean, you have to merge your life with some complete stranger in this tiny little space? No, thank you." He looked around my cluttered room. "But then again, I've always been alone, so I couldn't get used to it. I haven't even lived in civilization in four years. I'm a Pokémon watcher.. or used to be. On hiatus, I guess you could say."

"Oh, wow," I said. "Still, I envy you. I bet it's easy to sleep."

"Yeah, I guess so..." He trailed off.

I sighed and hitched up my towel again. "I should get dressed and take this key back downstairs," I said. "Thanks again."

"Oh, sure," said Tracey. "Um, if you want to get away from your roommate sometime, my room is on the fourth floor."

"Really?" I asked. "You'd let me come over?"

"Well, sure. It is a single room."

"Cool." I grinned. "Hey, if I show up with a sleeping bag sometime, we can have an anime marathon."

Tracey grinned back. "Sure. I can't say I've ever watched anime."

"Oh, there's so much good stuff out there. You'll love it." 


	2. read:02

Man, I suck. I uploaded chapter 1 in April, finished chapter 2 around June... and it's September when I'm uploading. Baka.  
I got the best ideas for this story while I was at work, putting away books. So Shingo works at the library as tribute to my old job at college.  
--Neekachu

**read:/02**

_[Tracey]_

After another day of brand-new classes, I was happy to be going to Pokémon Biology. At least there was someone I knew in there. In the others, I was alone again, which I honestly didn't mind, but I decided it would be fun to take the biology class with Shingo.

He was absorbed in his laptop when I walked up the auditorium steps to a chair, but he looked up at me. "Hey," he said.

"Hey. Can I sit here?"

"Sure." He moved down from the aisle seat, which I took. I glanced over at his screen. It was full of some weird code. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, working on a program," Shingo replied. "Actually, updating is a better term. I wrote this almost three months ago."

"You _wrote_ that?" I asked. "How can you understand it?" I blushed, realizing how stupid I sounded. "Oh.. sorry. I guess it's like any foreign language, huh?"

Shingo smiled proudly. "The very same. Only no weird pronunciation rules. I've been writing scripts like this for years. I forget that some people have never seen it, especially when they're too busy being nature boys."

"Hey," I said in mock defense, glad I caught that he was kidding.

Suddenly someone bounded up to where I was sitting. "Hiiii, Shingo!" she said eagerly.

I caught a sidelong glance from him. "Hi, Giselle," he said. His voice was testy and hanging by a thread of patience. The girl was the pretty one with all the shining brown hair that had waited for him on Monday.

"What are you doing tonight?" she asked.

"Working."

"Oooh, can I come keep you company?"

"Giselle, it's work. I can't have visitors. I'll get fired."

"But all you do is shelve books." She stuck her nose in the air.

Shingo glowered at his laptop screen. "No," he said. "The answer is no. The other answer is please stop following me."

She folded her arms across her chest. The professor came in at the moment, and she took her seat at the front of the class. "Who's that?" I whispered to Shingo.

"She follows me everywhere," he replied. "She's ultra-competitive, though, and has been at the top of the class for years. Apparantly she's chosen me as her obsessee because of my superior intellect."

Again I had to smile at his self-mocking arrogance. He sighed. "Want to keep me company at work tonight?" he asked. "To drive her away?"

"Sure," I said. I sure didn't have anything to do.

---

_[Shingo]_

The library at PokéTech is one of the most massive in the world. It had been my job since I arrived here to shelve books, and check them on a regular basis to make sure they were in order. Tedious work, but it gave me quiet time to think. Or to listen to my discman when the thought occured to me.

Tracey followed me as I did my shelf-reading. "I should probably get a job, shouldn't I?" he wondered.

"Couldn't hurt," I said, picking a book off the shelf and putting it in its proper numerical place. "It's easy money, anyway. Since I don't have all the time in the world to dedicate to programming."

"So why are you at PokéTech, anyway?" Tracey hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his black jeans.

"A suggestion," I told him. "I used to go to this tiny exclusive school in Azalea Town. I was the top student there for years, and Mr. Muramasa suggested I transfer in here."

"Muramasa," Tracey repeated. "I've heard that name. He was a really famous Pokémon master."

I nodded. "He took me on as his protégé when I first came there, on account that I have a Scizor. His Scizor is the famous Crimson Streak, Masamune."

"You have a Scizor?" His eyes were wide, bright, and eager. "You have to let me sketch it sometime! I have a Scyther."

His enthusiasm made me smile as I knelt down to start on the bottom row. "So why are you here at PokéTech?" I asked. "If you've had so many years of firsthand experience studying pokémon, I mean."

"Oh.. you've heard of Professor Oak, right?"

I looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. "Is that a rhetorical question, nature boy? Do you think I live under a rock?" I grinned.

He laughed apologetically. "Well, I'm his personal assistant, and he arranged for me to come here. A degree would ensure that I continue his work. I'd met people here before.. over the summer, in my traveling, I stopped by on an errand. It wasn't until PokéCon that some representatives insisted I attend now."

It took me a few seconds to realize my mouth was hanging open. "_The_ Professor Oak? You're his _personal assistant?_"

"Yeah."

I stood up, the feeling returning to my legs. "How did you manage _that?_" I was completely awestruck. Being top student in some little school was nothing compared to the personal student of the top Pokémon researcher in the world.

"Through friends of mine. I met someone from Pallet Town who introduced me to the professor."

I was shaking my head in disbelief. "You are awesome," I said. "You don't know how lucky you are. What did you do at PokéCon, anyway? To have them beg you to come here now?"

"Oh, that.. my presentation. Though I have a feeling Professor Oak spoke to him beforehand."

"Presentation?"

"Yeah.. I was given full credit for discovering a new Pokémon."

"You _what?_" Tracey was surprising me more and more. "I knew I should've gone to PokéCon," I said. "I could have met you in all your glory sooner."

"Aw, it wasn't that great," he said with a blush. "It's not even a new species.. just the pre-evolution of Jynx. I let Professor Oak name it, though. Smoochum."

I wrinkled my nose. Awful name. But then again, Professor Oak was known for his off-kilter sense of humor. "I get it," I said. "Kissing Pokémon, eh? Man, and I thought I was something. I was one of the top developers of Porygon 2."

"Really? The detailing of Porygon 2 was just before my presentation," Tracey said. "Wow. Why weren't you there?"

I flinched, but hoped it wasn't noticeable. "I guess because no one I knew would be watching. My sister was supposed to be there, but she cancelled." Too many people, she'd said. They'd recognize her, and her cover would be blown.

"She cancelled? That's too bad."

"Yeah, something important probably came up." I made up an excuse.

"Who's your sister?"

It was an innocent question, I knew. _Oh, stop it,_ I told myself. _It's not like he'd expose her to the public or anything. I can trust him._ "Have you ever heard of the ice pokémon master Lorelei Primavera?" I replied.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm sure I've read that name somewhere."

"Don't bother trying to remember. She doesn't go by that now."

"Oh?"

I stared at the row of books in front of me. "She has to hide her true identity from the League. They made her." Something in the back of my mind reminded me not to talk about it, but I was still mad at the situation. I guess I was venting. "They said they can't have someone like her as a world-famous pokémon master and role model. So she changed her name, and, for all intents and purposes, Lorelei Primavera doesn't exist."

Tracey blinked, his mouth open slightly. "Why? What did she do? What was so wrong about her?"

"Absolutely nothing. But the League seemed to think so."

"That's.. awful.. I think. Do you know where she is?"

"She still contacts me and the rest of the family when she can. She lives on Mandarin Island, for the most part. Only a few people know who she is, honestly. My family, of course.. she did her part in upholding the fine name of Primavera, even if the public doesn't know that."

"Anyone else know? I mean, did she cut herself off from everyone completely?"

I sighed. "The whole thing caused her to break up with her girlfriend."

Tracey gasped softly in surprise.

"Since then I've wanted to do something to the League.. I'd hack into their database, but I wouldn't know what to do since then. I want to get back at them for ruining her life.. she may have all the fame in the world as an Elite, but she lost the one person she cared most for."

"She's what?"

I hadn't meant to say that. I glanced at Tracey, who'd obviously figured out exactly which one of the Elite Four was my sister. "I'm sorry, Shingo," he said. "I.. um.. I hope you can hack the League successfully."

I half-smiled, because his use of technical terms was so cautious, as if he was afraid he'd offend me. But then, I was afraid I would have offended him. It's still a close-minded age, and not everyone in the world wants to hear that a great pokémon master, especially one of the Elite Four, has a preference for her own sex. That Tracey didn't flinch or sneer once meant more than if he had offered to hack into the League for me. 


	3. read:03

At last, it's time for the first hint of ai. About time, huh?  
I'm also pleased that this is the first chapter for any story in the Eternal Winter universe that features one of my newest original characters, Faye Holly. Timeline-wise, her first appearance is supposed to be the rewritten EW1, but I haven't gotten to that chapter yet. ^^; Faye is based on Green from Viz's Pokémon Adventures collection. It wasn't until just recently that I found out she's Blue in Japanese. Kyaa. She'll always be Green to me. But Faye isn't exactly Green/Blue.. she's an expert hacker rather than a con artist, but her attitude is pretty much the same.  
Shingo's explanation for Cacao isn't fiction. I own said anime. Cacao's my favorite character in it. ^_^  
--Neekachu

**read:/03**

_[Tracey]_

I watched Shingo's fingers fly gracefully across the keyboard while we were sitting in class together, waiting for it to start. He said he was working on building a website, his other project when he didn't want to think about trying to hack into the Pokémon League. His screen changed suddenly. "See?" he said. "This is what all that code looks like on a webpage."

I nodded. I felt really out of it that I didn't know how he did it.

Shingo frowned. "It's just... it's frustrating. I can code anything.. but I have no real eye for design. Half of the magic of the web is making pages look good, you know?" He stared thoughtfully at his screen, then sat up suddenly as if struck by a brilliant idea. "Tracey," he said, turning to me, "you're an artist."

I smirked. "Yes, I am. How good of you to notice my twenty sketchbooks."

He stuck his tongue out at my teasing. "I _mean_, nature boy, that you're artistic. You showed me a few of those sketchbooks. And you have a sense of color and layout. _You_ could handle the designing of my site."

"What? Me? I can't do that... I don't know anything about it, I told you."

"And _I_ told _you_, I can code anything. All you have to do is sketch a design for me. Or even a completed piece that I can scan and use on the page. I can show you what I mean later.. oh, please, Tracey..." His eyes were blue and round.

My heart dived into my stomach at his begging, which I found perversely adorable. I swore silently for a multitude of reasons, but to Shingo I said, "Sure," and meant it. I was an artist, true, and there was no reason I shouldn't explore my talent.

Shingo was smiling proudly. "At last, a worthwhile hobby," he said.

"I'm happy you're happy," I told him. I had no idea how this was going to work.. and I was still afraid I'd frustrate him because I didn't know that much about computers. But he seemed to like me anyway. He did tell me about his sister, and that sounded like quite a confidential issue.

Shingo was back to typing away, and I looked around, wondering where the professor was. Late, as usual. I looked back at Shingo when I heard him pressing one key over and over, repeatedly. "Hey," he muttered. "What's going on?"

"Hmm?" I leaned closer to see his screen.

"My project... where is it?"

"Project?"

"Nothing for you to worry about," he said quickly.

I raised an eyebrow. "You mean the hacking?"

"Shh!" Shingo hissed. He glanced around in a panic. "Don't ever say that again! I could get in real trouble." I could barely hear that.

I bit my lip. "Sorry," I whispered. "I didn't know."

"It's okay. I don't think anyone was paying attention to us, anyway." He went back to hitting random keys again. "Cacao, what's wrong with you?"

I was wondering just why his computer was called Cacao when he slammed his fist down on the desk. "No!" he shouted, glaring at the screen. "It's impossible!"

"What happened?" I looked at the monitor. There was something flashing there, green letters on a flat black screen. It was some kind of code, and I didn't understand it. It wasn't until I felt it did I realize everyone was staring at us. "Shingo.." I said.

He was breathing heavily and cursing under his breath, hitting keys frantically. Our classmates had turned back around, ignoring him, except for the girl sitting in front of us, who stretched her arms above her head before she turned around. "I hope you know you woke me up," she said in a fuzzy voice.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't be sleeping in class," Shingo snapped at her.

"Maybe you shouldn't be using your computer in class," she replied with a grin before yawning.

I knew she looked familiar. "Faye?" I asked.

She blinked at me. "Tracey!" She seemed awake now. "You made it to PokéTech! How come I never noticed before?"

Noelle, Duplica, and I had met Faye Holly in our travels last summer. We passed through the school on an errand for Professor Oak, and Noelle and Faye got to talking about Professor Holly, Faye's sister. It was because of that trip that I met the headmaster of PokéTech, who was impressed with my studies and credentials.

"Maybe you sleep too much," I told her.

She stuck her tongue out at me. "So what's wrong with him?" She nodded towards Shingo.

It dawned on me then. "Give her your laptop. She's good with computers."

"Are you _insane?_" he retorted. "I'm not giving her to just anyone!"

"You shoved her into my hands before you even knew my name."

Faye looked amused. "I promise I'll be gentle. Tracey's your witness."

I was relieved when Shingo complied and handed his Cacao over to her. Faye leaned in close to the screen. "Oh, this one. One of my better viruses."

"What did you say?" Shingo asked.

Faye's fingers were already flying across the keyboard. In seconds the weird code disappeared, and Shingo's screen looked normal again. "There you go. Virus deleted." She smiled sweetly and handed Cacao back to her owner.

Shingo's mouth hung open as he gently set his laptop down. "I know what you're going to ask," Faye said, "and yes, I did write that. Are you impressed yet?" She winked at me.

"No," said Shingo. "I was going to ask how _I_ caught your amateur virus."

Faye glared, her first serious expression. "If it's so amateur, master hacker, how come you couldn't get rid of it?"

"I panicked, that's all... hey! How did you know--"

"Because I wrote it for that reason. You trespass where you're not supposed to, you get a punishment. That's why they hired me."

Shingo looked sulky, and I realized he didn't know how to get rid of that virus at all, and was disappointed that it took a stranger to do it. Luckily Faye didn't seem to take offense. "You know, I usually charge for this kind of service," she said in her usual jovial way. She stretched her arms out in front of her. "But maybe I can work out a cute boy discount with you." She giggled as Shingo shot her another black look.

---

_[Shingo]_

It was hard to concentrate that evening. I had the room to myself, but I expected my roommate back at any time. I wanted to work on my website, but being interrupted would throw everything off. And really, what I needed was the art. That was Tracey's department, and my site couldn't get the work it needed without Tracey's contribution.

With that in mind, I grabbed my keys and Cacao and hurried up the stairs. Yes, web design. The melding of our talents.

The girl he knew from our class, Faye, was sitting in his room with him, watching tv. Something burned in my chest at the sight of her -- her overbearing friendliness, her superiority at efficiently clearing out the virus she'd bragged about writing. I tried to ignore it. "Tracey, do you want to start some work?" I asked.

"Hey, he's come to pay me," Faye said.

I continued speaking to Tracey alone. "We could go get something to eat."

"That sounds like a good idea." Tracey shut off the tv. "Come on, Faye."

My shoulders fell in disappointment before I could stop them. But then I wondered why I was so let down. She seemed to be a friend of Tracey's. And he and I wouldn't really be alone if we were out somewhere eating. Why should I want to be alone with him, anyway? I left Cacao on one of his two wall-mounted desks, since we probably wouldn't get any work done. The food court was bound to be swamped with people all after a late-night snack.

True to my prediction, the campus pizza place was packed. "You get a table, okay?" Tracey suggested. "I'll go get us an order." He left to get in line before I could speak up.

Faye tucked her short skirt under her legs expertly as she sat down. She was deliberately not looking at me as she smiled smugly.

"What?" I finally asked.

"That must be some 'work' you want to do," she said, making quotation fingers. "You really don't want me here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You think you and Tracey are going to make quite a pair, huh?"

My blood ran cold, but my face felt warm, and I was ready to scream at her, but I had no idea why any of that was happening. Confused and duly annoyed by the very sight of her, I shouted, "What do you think you're implying!?"

She tilted her head at me. "Your little hack job in class today? What did you..." She trailed off as her green eyes grew wider. Slowly she turned her head to where Tracey was standing in line. "Oh, my God," she said in a low voice. "You thought..."

"I didn't think anything!" Why did I want to crawl under the table and die?

She looked at me again, and I thought I saw sympathy. "And I hate to see a cute boy go to waste, too."

I was livid, and prepared to tear out her throat when Tracey returned to the table. "What's going on?" he asked with concern, noticing me.

"He's fun to tease," Faye said.

Tracey sat down. "Now, now.. he's had a hard time lately. His roommate's causing trouble, and he had a scare with his computer. Cut him some slack."

"Oh, okay," she said. I felt like a five-year-old, moreso when she stuck her hand out. "I _am_ sorry, Shingo. I never mean anything when I tease." She sounded plenty sincere, so I decided to forgive her with her colorful implications about Tracey and me. I shook her hand. "I'm sorry I took it so personally," I said. She smiled gratefully this time.

"So Tracey," she said as that issue was resolved, "how's Noelle?"

"On her way to Celadon City," he answered. "She's getting something from the gym leader there for your sister."

"Who's Noelle?" I asked.

Tracey lit up. "My girlfriend. She should be coming to visit me sometime. I can't wait to introduce her to you."

"Oh," I said. Our pizza was brought out to us, but when I looked at it, I wasn't the least bit hungry.

After we ate, Faye returned to her room to do some work, she said, and I followed Tracey back to his so I could show him how I would incorporate his art onto my website. I pulled the chair out from under his desk and booted up my computer.

"So why do you call it Cacao, anyway?" Tracey asked.

I smiled. "That's the name of a character from the first anime I ever saw," I explained. "It's a really cheesy show.. the two girls can only obtain their magical powers if they, um, get themselves off. And Cacao's the more experienced of the two. She was the first anime girl I had a crush on." I was embarrassed telling him that.

"No real girlfriend?"

"Nah. I've got a stalker, and that's enough. Between Giselle and Faye, I don't think I'd want a girlfriend any time soon."

"Aw, Faye's not that bad. Like she said, she never means anything."

"Well, still."

Tracey sat down in his other desk chair. "I miss Noelle a lot," he said.

"What's she doing?"

"Running errands for Professor Holly, who's sort of her mentor. Professor Holly's actually Faye's older sister."

"Really. Small world."

Tracey nodded. "So Noelle's on her way to Pine City soon. I'm hoping she'll stop by and visit."

"How long do you think you'll last while you're in PokéTech?"

"What kind of question is that?"

I thought it was the most matter-of-fact statement. "Is she going to enroll here? How much longer can you be in a relationship with someone you can't even spend time with?"

His appalled look made me regret bringing it up. "All I know is that I love her," he replied, "and she loves me, and that's enough to last through any amount of time I have to be here."

I didn't want to talk about that any more. Even though he didn't mean it at all, Tracey was sounding superior because he had a loving girlfriend. I wondered if this was a karmic retribution of my behavior at Mr. Muramasa's school, but I had to remind myself I didn't believe in karma. "Sorry," I muttered to him.

"S'okay," he said. "You've never had a girlfriend, have you? So you don't know what it's like?"

Salt to the wound. "No, I haven't," I said lightly.

"I never thought I would. I mean, who'd want someone like me? That's what I always thought. For awhile I had given up on the idea on a girl entirely."

_Why are we talking about this?_ I thought bitterly. I was glad I was facing my computer, so Tracey wouldn't see my displeasure.

"And then, because I had so much time to think back then, I wondered if I should have a boyfriend instead. You know, just a thought. Expanding my horizons."

That's when I turned to him. He looked twice as embarrassed as I had when I'd explained Cacao. "I have to admit I've wondered that myself," I said. "I mean, it's the same purpose -- you fall in love, you do stuff together, you share a bed.. it doesn't matter who it is."

"Exactly," Tracey said gratefully.

I stared off at nothing, overwhelmed. In one statement I'd just confirmed about a year's worth of agonizing. Would the yaoi I'd downloaded out of curiosity mean something more now? Where could I go to find out? Suddenly I realized I didn't have any privacy at all, and that was a huge problem if I needed the personal space to do a little soul-searching.

"What?" Tracey asked of my silence.

I snapped out of it. "Oh.. nothing." I scratched the back of my neck. "I'm, um, sorry I said that about you and Noelle."

"It's okay. I guess to anyone it would seem that way. That we have to be together physically in order to stay together."

"My only comparison is Lorelei and her girlfriend. Forget I said anything."

We didn't say anything for a minute, and it was growing overly awkward. For some reason I thought about the yaoi on my computer, and I was going to have to go soon if I kept that up. I had to stop thinking. So I asked Tracey what he was thinking about instead, since he looked pensive.

"PokéCon," he said. "That was the first night Noelle and I.. um..." He trailed off. I wondered if he was going to need his privacy, too. I had to get up so I could leave, but my legs weren't moving. Instead, images that formed in the back of my mind were replacing the ones of yaoi in the more conscious front, and suddenly I was picturing Tracey enjoying his privacy. Why did he act so self-conscious? He wasn't unattractive. The more I studied him, the more I realized he was quite the opposite. His unkempt hair, which he seemed to be growing long, so it was in a state of in-between and he constantly had to brush it one way or another; his defined jawline, which was most likely an indication of other finely-chiseled features which he hid under loose clothes; his eyes, large and brown and ready to absorb anything they rested upon and dammit, what was _wrong_ with me? Why were all these thoughts coming at once? Not ten minutes ago I content with being, for the most part, straight, and now I was obsessed with images of a new friend? Who was already in love with his girlfriend?

"Shingo?" Tracey questioned.

I snapped out of it as best as I could. "Maybe I should go," I said quietly.

"Oh, no, you don't have to. I thought you were going to show me your website."

_You don't know what will happen if you ask me to stay,_ I thought. I used the last shred of my willpower not to say it. "Um, it's late, and we have classes tomorrow," I said feebly. It was true, after all.

"Oh yeah," Tracey said, seeing his clock. "You don't want to spend all night with me."

That set my mind going again. I hoped it didn't show on the outside.

Tracey's cheeks were pink. All the more cute. 


	4. read:04

This is the chapter for which I stayed up til 6 in the morning, typing away on my boyfriend's laptop while he got his sleep for class. I love not being in college any more. ^_^  
Logan, my boy, gets credit for the PikaStation. They should really make a Pikachu Playstation. It would match my PikaN64.  
They should also really have a site called eeveemail.com. I would SO add that to my list of email accounts.  
--Neekachu

**read:/04**

_[Tracey]_

And so things fell into a comfortable and happy sort of routine; Faye, Shingo, and I hung out in between classes, and despite Shingo being annoyed at Faye for some reason, we got along well. Our little troupe started to fill the gash in my heart left when I moved to PokéTech and away from Duplica and Noelle, but, of course, I missed those two like nothing else. Noelle emailed me whenever she got to a pokémon center.

One evening, after dinner, we were hanging out in Shingo's room. Shingo and Faye were having a video game battle, and the mock insults flying between them made me laugh at times. I was sitting at Shingo's desk, checking email on his laptop. My heart swelled when I saw a message from "noellewinter@eeveemail.com".

"You may be cute, but you're going to die!" Faye cried. She was leaning close to the television, her thumbs pressing the controller's buttons and a maniacal grin spread across her face.

"Hi, Tracey!" read Noelle's email. "How are your classes going? Did you teach anyone anything yet? ^_~ I'm at the Pewter City center with Mondo and Erika. We'll get to Professor Holly's place really soon! I'll call you from there."

"You take that back!" Shingo retorted, brows furrowed in concentration as he studied the game.

"I never regret anything I say, cuteboy," Faye said proudly.

"I hope Faye and Shingo are treating you well," Noelle's mail continued. "Faye should be there when I'm calling from Professor Holly's, you know? And I want to meet Shingo sometime. Dewgong, Snowflake, and Vaporeon say hi. They miss swimming with Marill. And I miss swimming with you.. among other things."

I sighed to myself. Shingo and Faye's company couldn't compare to the beautiful but few times Noelle and I had spent alone.

"I can't wait to be with you again," the email continued. "Good thing you've got a room to yourself, hmm? I love you. Take care of yourself. Yours always, Noelle."

"You'll never escape my wrath!" Shingo declared.

"Damn you!" Faye shouted, obviously at her defeat. "You know, I bet I could hack this game..."

"I could hack it faster than you could!" Shingo jumped at the chance of a challenge. I shook my head. He was so competitive.

I was replying to Noelle's message. "Hi, Noelle! I'm glad you're in Pewter safely. I can't wait for your call! And to find out what Professor Holly has to say on everything. Duplica needs an email address. I miss her, too."

I was helpless to start laughing when Shingo lobbed his controller at the screen. "You can't have beaten me!" he lamented. Faye was sitting erect, smiling smugly. "What did you do? How did you get around it?" Shingo asked, pulling his hair.

"It's just a game, Shingo," I told him.

"It's my honor! I was beaten by... by..."

"By the best hacker in the universe," Faye supplied.

Shingo buried his head in his hands.

"Faye sends her greetings, and I'm sure she would love to talk with her sister when you call," I typed. "And yes, you should come here after Pine City. My single room doesn't serve much purpose without you."

I sighed, trying not to pine. And to ignore memories of PokéCon, which were going to start showing if I wasn't careful. I positioned myself farther under the desk, hiding the evidence.

"Come back to me soon," I typed, aware of my pun. "*^_^* I love you and miss you."

I sent it off and logged out of my email, figuring Shingo would want to use his Cacao to console himself.

Faye stood up, stretching languidly like she usually did. "Well, that was fun," she said, coming over to me. "Get email from Noelle?"

"Yeah. She's almost to your sister's place. She'll call from there."

"Excellent." Faye smiled.

Shingo lifted his head again, ran his fingers through his lavendar hair, and took in a deep breath. "You're right, Tracey," he said. "It's just a game."

"I said that ten minutes ago! You need to pay better attention."

"Shingo's OS is lagging," Faye said.

The door burst open. Shingo's roommate was standing there, two six-packs of beer in either hand. "Hey, what are you guys doing?" he said.

We stared at him blankly, wordlessly. He smiled at Faye, standing with her elbows in the air, hands folded behind her neck. "You wanna come party?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow and smiled like he'd just told her something very funny. "What?" asked the roommate, whose name I never learned. "Do you wanna ditch these geeks, or what?"

Faye snickered. "How sad is this?" she asked, looking at me. "I've never been asked to a party before, so I don't have an insult prepared."

Shingo's roommate looked confused, then shook his head, dropping the matter. He pushed the PikaStation out of the way of the mini-fridge, stored his drinks, and left. Shingo muttered things under his breath.

"Why did he bring in all that booze if he's going to a party?" I asked.

"Dammit!" Faye said. "I should've said something like, 'If I wanted to watch people waste their brain cells, I'd hang out in a Kanto Online chat room!'" She paused. "No, he wouldn't have understood."

Shingo sighed and picked up his console, storing it in the top shelf of his closet. "Um, sorry," Faye said. "My humor is off tonight, apparantly."

"No, not you," he muttered. "I just wish.. I wish I could move to a different room."

"You know, Tracey's got a single," Faye said.

Shingo froze, his hands still above his head, holding the PikaStation. I caught an ever-familiar look in Faye's eye, her usual devious twinkle. What was that statement about?

"I'm sure Tracey enjoys his nice, quiet, stupid-roommate-devoid room," Shingo finally said.

"If he's bothering you that much," I spoke up, "you can move up to my room. No reason for you to suffer."

He was very quiet, staring up into his closet. The twinkle in Faye's eyes faded, her lips forming into a frown of concern. Something was really wrong with Shingo. Years of studying pokémon and people alike had taught me every basic detail of body language, and Shingo's frozen state, slumped shoulders, and prolonged silence translated as a real problem. I stood up decisively. "If you want to use your computer, I'm done," I offered.

"Yeah," he mumbled. He turned around and sat at his desk, opening a program and typing away. I also knew after our first weeks as friends that programming was his grandest escape. Like my drawings.

"Um.. I think I have some work to do," Faye said. "You know, geeky stuff of my own. So I don't get invited to any more parties." She laughed weakly. "Um. See you guys later." She met my eyes, and there was more worry there than I'd ever seen in her. Judging by Faye's actions, she was truly concerned for Shingo, and all the lighthearted words were just hiding what she really wanted to do.

She left, and the only sound in the room was Shingo's frantic typing. It was eerie. I looked around the room, desparately searching for conversation topic.

"Want a drink?" Shingo asked with a sour note in his voice. Directed at his roommate's newest contribution to the fridge than at me.

"Sad to say, I've never had one," I said. I felt like a bigger loser just admitting that.

"Neither have I. But if we wanted to, there's plenty."

I felt better. "Does he seem to do this often?" I asked.

"It's his life. And not that I care, but I get tired of him barging in here at random times, bringing a different girl every day, yelling at me for not wanting to join him... I just wish I could be left alone sometimes."

"Oh.. should I go? So you can do that before he gets back?"

He squirmed, like he'd said the wrong thing. Then he smiled, chuckling at himself. "When you put it that way, it's like I'm going to do something very private."

My ears felt hot. Now I'd said something stupid again.

"Then again, that's the blessing of having your own room," Shingo went on. I cleared my throat. I couldn't deny that.

He stood up, muttering something like, "the hell with it." He opened the mini-fridge and tore a can from the plastic rings. He popped it open furiously and took a long drink. I just stared, mouth hanging open. "Um.." I said.

He tore the can away from his lips, shaking his head. "Tastes like crap," he rasped.

"Then why are you drinking it?"

"I don't know what else to do."

That cinched it. "What's up? What happened all of a sudden?"

He gave me the most plaintive look, and suddenly he seemed so lost, dishevled purple hair and wide blue eyes and an open beer can. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't, for whatever reason. I was overwhelmed suddenly by the need to shake the answer from him, to find a way to help him... because I had always needed the solace of another human being so many times before.

"I just.." Shingo started to say before turning to face his laptop. "I wish I could have everything I want."

I wanted to help. Shingo was my first friend -- and only one, next to Faye -- at PokéTech, the one thing I was sure I wouldn't have at this school. I had to show him some kind of gratitude. But it was the earlier talk of perverted subjects that mixed into my thought pattern. Now my subconscious was inventing ways to repay Shingo and cheer him up faster than I could put a stop to it. Stupid earlier teenage bi-curiosity. Stupid frustration of not having Noelle with me. Stupid Shingo, for being so melancholy and cute at the same time.

Several components of my brain crashed into a pile of a resounding _"oh, crap."_ Nervously I looked around the room, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Shingo.

"You don't have to hang around here," he said. "In fact, when you go back, take this with you." I was forced to see what he was talking about -- his half-full beer can. "I don't want it. It was stupid and melodramatic of me. I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Don't worry. We all do stupid things." I took the can from him. Our fingers brushed.

"Only now it makes me want to find decent-tasting alcohol," Shingo said.

I took a sip out of curiosity. He was right; nasty, watery, bitter stuff. "Maybe your roommate will bring back something better next time," I said.

"We can hope he's good for something."

I made my way to the door. "I'll be upstairs," I said. "If you need to, you can come up, okay?"

He nodded. "Thanks," he said, turning back to his programming. I shut the door behind me quietly. What a perverted thing to say. Stupid underlying meanings that were going to haunt me all night.

---

_[Shingo]_

All the code in the world wasn't clearing my head. Well, it figured. I knew someday my passion would fail me in some way. What was to happen now? Should I force down more beer until oblivion hit me? Was that to be my average fate?

I closed my program. Thinking about it wasn't doing me any good.

There was beer aftertaste still stuck in my throat, no matter how many trips I took to the water fountain.

There was Tracey aftersight wherever my eyes rested in my room.

I hated myself then. No sooner did he get done emailing his girlfriend did I start thinking about how much I would like to be his roommate. Faye's prompting hadn't helped. Nor did Tracey's final invitation. Damn it, he was too nice.

The door swung open. For a fleeting second I thought it might be Tracey, come back to keep me company, but raucous laughter proved it was not. It was my roommate and three friends. "Hey, man," he said. "Change of plans. The party's here tonight." His companions cheered.

I felt like something had shattered inside me.

"Hey, he's got a computer," said one of his friends. "Can we download some movies?" There was a suggestiveness in his voice I didn't like. Plus the idea of clumsy hands all over Cacao's keyboard. I fought the urge to wrap my arms around her.

"Yeah, Shingo," said my roommate. "Put that thing to use." The others were laughing, and it was then I caught the sneering in his voice. My yaoi doujinshi was one thing, but their suggestion was an outright offense to my Cacao.

"Not right now," I said vacantly, typing something to make it seem like I was working. "But help yourselves to the beer in the fridge."

They all seemed responsive to that. As they sacked the contents of the fridge, I grabbed various things around my desk together: my wallet, pokéballs, keys. I closed my laptop and stood up, pocketing what I could.

"Hey, where you going?" I was asked.

"Just out for awhile. Bye," I replied, leaving. Tracey's parting words echoed in my memory. _"If you need to, you can come up, okay?"_

I rapped my knuckles against his closed door, feeling pathetic. It wasn't running away, I decided. We were just going to watch some anime or something. I had left some of my dvds in his room.

He opened the door. "Shingo?"

One of my doujinshi was set up this way, I knew it. "The party came to my room," I said. "So I left. I'm sorry, really. I should just be a man and take the noise and the drinking and the annoyance, but.. um.. I guess I'm not."

"Heh. Big deal. You can come in. There's always anime to watch."

I set Cacao on one of the mounted wall-desks, her usual spot in Tracey's room. It already felt like half mine, with some of my anime collection there and a place reserved for my computer. Tracey sat down on his bed, flipping through channels. Not putting in a dvd. "I was just trying to find something on tv," he said. "Something good for background noise while I worked on some drawings."

I nodded and pulled out the desk chair. I stared at the tv screen rather than open my laptop. After Tracey had settled on a channel and pulled out a sketchbook, I asked what he was working on.

"Touching up some things from earlier." He showed me one picture of his Marill drinking from a straw and a cup.

"Oh, God, that shouldn't be that cute," I said.

He smiled at his drawing, then flipped the page over. I think he was starting a new one.

I was staring vaguely at the television, a nature documentary on Magmar. I was lost in thinking how Magmar was the type of pokémon that would give me nightmares when Tracey said, "Look at this," and held up his sketchbook. It was a Scizor, and in one of its claws it was crushing a beer can. I was almost gaping, because I didn't know how to react. I hadn't seen anything of Tracey's that wasn't a study sketch of some subject.

"That... is hilarious," I decided. "It looks so aggravated. Like its roommate left empty cans all over the place."

"It's Blade, see?" Tracey was grinning, proud of his caricature.

It was my Scizor? He'd drawn something for me? I hoped my astonishment didn't show. "That's cool. I'll have to show Blade sometime."

"Not until I'm done, of course." He would make a cool roommate. Already he was drawing things for me.

"You're not working on your computer," he noted.

"Yeah.. I'm spacing out. I'm allowed."

"It's not Faye, is it?"

"What's not?"

"Why you're so out of sorts all of a sudden. You seemed fine when you were playing video games with her."

"Oh.. no, it's nothing she did. I've gotten used to her. At first she really got on my nerves, but she's cool."

Tracey nodded. "I don't think she wants to get on your bad side. Probably the opposite."

"If she calls me 'cuteboy' one more time..." I kidded, like I was going to end with a threat.

"Well, she's justified."

I never expected to hear that. I dared a glance in his direction. He was Magmar-red.

"Um," I said. "Thanks.. you say that to all the cuteboys, don't you?"

"It... it was your beer! It affected me and I blurt out anything!" Tracey laughed at his deliberately feeble mock-excuse.

"Oh, so it's the alcohol talking and anyone looks attractive to you!" I played along.

"Yeah, but you're the only one in my room!"

"And you're just dying to do something about it!"

We stopped and laughed. There was something pulling on the sleeve of my deeper mind, calling to my attention that I was going to blurt out something I couldn't take back if I wasn't careful.

Tracey sighed. It sounded like one of my patented "I'm-turned-on-but-can't-do-anything-about-it" sighs. Similar to the many I was exhaling earlier.

Like I needed a reminder.

---

_[Tracey]_

I was, without a doubt, the most socially challenged moron on the face of the earth. _"Well, she's justified."_ Stupid common sense not blocking the charge of thoughts to my vocal chords. Like that one night when I kept babbling about my past, and how my loneliness drove me to pondering a boyfriend. Shingo must've thought I was some kind of super-pervert by now. He'd retreat from my weirdness, go back to his online life, and leave me alone with Faye as my only friend until she got tired of me, too.

I wanted to miss Noelle. But in my off-kilter mind tonight, any reminder of her just drove me to physical thoughts. I didn't know what to do. Having the room to myself would yield the most logical and natural action, but I had Shingo, who couldn't go back to his room. Well, he could, but it wouldn't be very nice to kick him out just for my own not-quite-a-need.

I heaved a sigh instead. That would have to serve as my release.

"Anime time?" Shingo suggested.

_Yes, God, a distraction,_ I thought as I nodded.

So we picked up where we had left off with _Gekigengar 3_, a cheesy-in-the-good-way adventure about giant robots and a handful of pilots. We were both sitting on the floor this time. The need to draw came to me again, and I did just that, this time designing a mecha based on the look of Scizor, which was a fun pokémon to draw, I'd discovered.

"That's so cool!" Shingo exclaimed. He'd cheered up quite a bit since we'd started watching the show. "You're drawing stuff for me.. I don't have anything for you."

"Make me my own website," I said.

"We can register your own domain. traceysmecha.com."

I laughed. "Tracey's Mecha Designs and Floor Space for Rent."

"Oh, you're charging me for the floor space now? Trying to sweeten the deal by throwing in sketches of my pokémon, are you?"

"I live to cheat my customers," I said, laughing more.

"Come on, what do you want out of me?" Shingo asked theatrically. "Here!" He retrieved his wallet and tossed it at me.

"You know as well as I do students are always broke. Cheapskate." I threw his wallet back.

"There must be _something_ I can pay you with!" Obviously the late hour and too much anime had upped our silliness. Shingo was pretending to grovel at my feet, but he paused for a second, staring up at me from his prostrate position. His laughing faded.

"A lot of bad movies start out like this," I said.

"Yeah." Shingo sat up, resting on his knees.

I flipped back to the first Scizor picture I'd done that evening. "Can you really make me a website?" I asked. "Not that I'd know what to do with it.. maybe promote my experience as a pokémon watcher. But you'd be making it, so you could say whatever you want."

"I could say that you're the best artist I know," Shingo said. "Or that when I watch you draw, I notice how refined your hands are." His voice had lowered a great deal. He wasn't kidding around any more.

"What?" I asked.

"How.. just once, I'd like to... I..."

He must have been dealing with some kind of stress, I decided. Probably all the web projects he takes on.. that couldn't be healthy. I was about to suggest that he start getting ready to get some sleep. But if I was in any position to speak, it was too late. I don't know how he did it, but Shingo had ended up leaning into my lap, and he was kissing me furiously. His tongue wanted to explore regions of my throat, and I couldn't have any of that -- I wouldn't be able to breathe if he kept that up -- so I was fending him off with my own, which was turning into something more erotic than it needed to be. I pushed him away, or tried to, as he wouldn't break free. I finally managed the task. He was gasping for air.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

The pilot of Gekigengar was giving commands to his teammates. Shingo was staring directly into my eyes, and he looked a mix of scared, apologetic, and wanton. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I couldn't help it... lately you're the only thing on my mind."

"Why me?" It was a lame question, true, but seriously. What was there about me? Especially to someone like him?

"Just because. Because of what you told me that one night, and because.. maybe you're what I need. I've felt like I've been missing something lately."

"It's not me, I assure you," I said. "I have my girlfriend. I love her."

"But you don't have her _now._ What do you want right _now?_"

"I.." The sound stuck in my throat. I didn't know how to answer that. Half an hour ago someone launching themselves into my lap and romantically assaulting me sounded like a fantasy come true. If that someone was Noelle, of course. I loved her. Shingo was just cute. And had a talent with using his tongue. And was quick to act and responsive in return. If I was two years younger, I would have loved him.

Did I change that much in only two years?

"I am no worse than my roommate," he said quietly. "I just jumped on the first thing I saw with legs, huh?"

"I'd like to think you have better taste," I said, trying to make light of the situation in any way I could.

"Did I taste good?" he asked, smiling richly.

"I don't have to answer that," I insisted.

"Maybe you need to find out again." Shingo gripped my shoulders. His tongue was swirling around mine, catching it in some kind of frantic dance. I wanted to protest. The sounds were coming from my throat, just stopped from turning into words by Shingo's tongue. He was making noise too, strangled whimpers of his own. I had to admit I loved sounds. The fact that Shingo was vocalizing his pleasure with me was further stopping my self-control. Yes, I was enjoying this. He was so slender to hold, so taut and agile, and so bold, so alive.

And in my closed eyes I saw a memory of Noelle, smiling and happy. I broke free from Shingo.

"What?" he asked, looking scared.

"What am I doing?" I said.

"Oh, Tracey..." Shingo's eyes pleaded with me.

"Don't," I said sternly, suddenly mad. "Don't play that part."

"What part?" He blinked, realizing he was turning into the homewrecker. "Oh," he said with a big sigh.

"It's not that I'm not enjoying having you in my lap.." I blushed saying that much. And I felt worse realizing I was glad he wasn't moving.

"I'm not going to convince you of otherwise. I have every argument ready in my mind.. but I won't say them. You deserve better than to have some guy say you should sleep with him when you already have someone you love faraway."

I thought of my initial jealous reaction when I'd found out Noelle was travelling with Mondo. She wouldn't do anything behind my back, no matter how big of a penchant she had for cute boys. Would she?

Shingo slid off my lap, sitting by my side and staring at the anime. It would be to both our sadness if I told him to leave. I'd feel bad for disappointing him, and he'd fill, well, unfulfilled. But if he stayed... true, my libido had waned since my new dilemma. But we could only watch so much _Gekigengar_ before we got distracted again, I was sure.

"I'm sorry, Tracey," he whispered.

I stared at the floor, deep in thought. "I love Noelle," I said.

"I know."

I was having what seemed like a revelation, even a hurried one, right then. "I always will, I think. She's everything to me." Shingo nodded, still numbly watching anime. "But I also think," I continued, "that I may never have a willing boy in my presence again."

He didn't respond. "I mean," I went on, "I'm young now.. just turned seventeen a month ago. Shouldn't I seize the opportunity to find out what I've always wanted to know while I have the chance?"

Shingo slowly turned his head towards me, his mouth slightly open in disbelief. "You truly want me?"

"I've wanted you for some time now," I said. "I just didn't realize it until tonight."

The shine in his eyes was incredible. He didn't stop looking at me even when he reached for the remote and shut off the dvd player. 


	5. read:05

Oh, the plot deepens. I think my new fetish is torturing bishounen.  
--Neekachu

**read:/05**

_[Shingo]_

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the brightness. This wasn't my bottom bunk, my little cave. And the walls weren't the same. In the grogginess of the morning (early afternoon, as upon looking at a clock beside me I saw it was 11:30), I was wondering if I'd passed out in a friend's room somehow when I finally got my bearings and noticed Tracey asleep beside me.

How did I not feel him there when I woke up? I propped myself up on my elbow and studied him. He looked so very innocent, like what happened during the night didn't happen at all.

And as for me.. I was still trying to convince myself that it wasn't a dream. This was going to be strange now; were we supposed to hide it around Faye, or in class?

11:30. We'd slept through class.

"Shit," I whispered, knowing full well that it was Pokémon Biology 104, the class we shared with Faye, and she would have a few choice things to say about both of us not showing up.

Tracey stirred. "Uh?" he asked. He gave me a shocked look. "Oh... yeah. Hi."

"Hi there," I greeted him.

"Um. Hi," he said.

I sat up. This was most awkward.

"We missed class," Tracey said, noting the time. I nodded. He sat up too, looked around, and buried his head in his hands. "Oh God," he mumbled into them.

At this point, I would have gotten out of bed, but I was against the wall. Tracey was still, thinking into his cupped hands, I wagered. A sense of guilt squeezed through my stomach.

"Okay." He looked up, running his fingers through his hair. "We can't change the fact that it happened."

I was in the middle of wondering why he was wearing his shirt but I wasn't. I noticed it in a heap on the floor. "I want coffee," I said, thinking aloud to myself, mostly.

"Shingo, I'm serious. This is bad."

Great. He was going to spoil my memories, wasn't he? "What's so bad about it?" I asked. "It's not like we did anything wrong."

I immediately regretted saying that. Curse the morning and my lack of coffee. "Forget I said that," I told him. "If it was wrong, it was wrong. And we can forget about it and go back to normal." I threw off the covers and crawled my way out of bed. If he wanted to act that way, more power to him. I'd just take my wonderful memories elsewhere.

"I.." Tracey said, more of a sound than the start of a sentence. I put on my rumpled t-shirt wordlessly. I suddenly didn't want to speak to him at all. I pulled on my shorts, checking the pockets: keys, wallet, pokéballs one through three hooked on the belt loops. I picked up my laptop, which had remained untouched all night. "Just so you know, you were a wonderful first," I said. I surprised myself that I was fighting back tears. I _never_ cry. "Thank you for putting aside everything you know just for me. It really makes me feel appreciated." Damn it, the last sentence caught in my throat. I had to get out of here before I reduced myself to a snivelling little boy.

"Wait," he said.

My hand was inches away from the doorknob. "Don't leave like that," Tracey went on. "I don't want you to be mad at me."

"Then don't deny that you enjoyed it." I realized only after I said it that if I was listening to me, I would've slapped me. I was a little bitch.

"I.. I'm not. Really. I just.."

"Never mind." I sighed and turned around. "I just need some coffee. I'd like it if you came with me."

"I thought I already did."

I dared a look at him. He was smiling. I shook my head and smiled back. "I'll never understand you," I said.

---

_[Tracey]_

I had dinner alone. Shingo had returned to his room to get some work done, for which I was grateful, because I had to clear my head. I was trying not to think about the obvious. And wondering if skipping that class mattered, because it was such a huge class that attendance was never taken, and I knew all the material anyway.

A tray clattered beside me. Faye was standing there. "Hey," she said, pulling out the chair. "You _are_ alive."

"Yes.. rumors of my sleeping in have been greatly exaggerated," I told her.

She gave me her trademark smirk. "_I_ didn't start any rumors. Should I have?"

I gave her a steady look.

"Oh, I'm just kidding you, Tracey. Where's Shingo?"

"Working somewhere, probably."

"Have you seen him today? He missed class, too."

I picked up my Mountain Dewgong and took a long drink. I had to act. "Uh, no. He probably didn't get any sleep because of his roommate's party last night."

"Ohh. I see." Faye picked up one French fry delicately. "How was the anime?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I figured, knowing Shingo, he would've gone to your room to watch more _Gekigengar_."

"Yeah, we watched a couple of episodes," I said. _You can't hack my mind, Faye,_ I thought.

"You'll have to show me sometime," was all she said. "I know I like a good cheesy anime."

I took another drink. "Yeah, it's pretty weird."

She smiled. "Do I dare bore you with the details of my latest project?"

"You know I wouldn't know what you're talking about," I said, grateful she was changing the subject.

"Yeah.. well, you might not see me for a couple of days. In between my latest job, I have to finish my homework for this computer class.. Shingo's in it, actually. I wonder if he's done."

After she ate, she bade me farewell, and I realized I wanted to see if Noelle had replied to my email. I could have gone to a computer lab... but I ended up wandering to Shingo's room. Besides, I wanted to know what he thought about last night after having some time alone.

I hoped his roommate wasn't in. I knocked on the door lightly. When he opened the door, he lit up. "Hi," he greeted happily.

"Guess you're still in a good mood," I said.

"I'm happy to see you." He closed his door. "I've been working all afternoon on my programming homework. I need a break."

"You can take a break while I check my email."

"Sure." I sat down at his desk and checked my mail. Nothing from Noelle. I stood back up and let Shingo go back to his homework.

"It's so stressful," he said, typing away at his laptop. "But if I get done tonight, I'll be very happy."

"Good," I said, looking at his shelf of comics. I picked one up and sat down on the bed, reading through it. The only sounds were the keyboard and low-volume television for background noise for a couple of hours until Shingo said, "Ah, finally, I'm done." He stretched nearly backwards in his chair, arms up high.

I looked up. "Good job," I told him.

He grinned triumphantly. "I knew not eating all day would pay off." His stomach growled. "Figures, I would have to mention food. Come on, let's go get something. I'm happy now I don't have to stay up all night."

"So.." I decided to bring it up while we were sitting, waiting for Shingo's pizza. "Should last night have existed?"

He folded his arms, resting his elbows on the table, and looked around. "Like I said before," he said, "I thought it was perfectly wonderful. I understand if it should never happen again, of course. You were just giving in to a natural... you know, thing." He snorted as words failed him.

"So where does that leave you?" I asked. "This is so.. so finalized. 'Thank you for visiting. We hope you enjoyed your stay in Tracey's room, good luck with the rest of your life.'"

Shingo laughed. "I don't know. But if anything, maybe it'll keep Giselle out of my hair, huh? Nothing like a gay man to stop a persistant woman."

"You are?"

He paused. "Not completely, I don't think so. Like you said. It's not about gender."

"We're so open," I said. "I mean, we're talking about this in a food court."

"You're bold, nature boy. I like that." Shingo rolled his tongue in a suggestive growl, then laughed at himself. His pizza was announced, and he ran to get it, eating a slice on his way back to me.

"More _Gekigengar_?" he suggested.

"You know what that leads to," I told him.

"Honestly, Tracey.. you talk about me like I have no self control." He inhaled his first slice, then dug into another.

"All right," I told him. "But, you know. You had your fun last night. You should still be worn out."

I woke up the next morning to a knock on my door. I groaned and opened my eyes, and the first thing they landed on was Shingo sleeping beside me. The knocking continued. _How do I get myself into these things?_ I wondered, throwing off the covers and stumbling to the door. Through the eyehole I saw Faye, and I cursed silently.

I opened the door a crack. "Morning," I greeted her.

"Hi, Tracey," she said. "You too indecent to let me in?"

"Um.. no, not really."

She smiled. "Do you know if Shingo's at class or something? He's not in his room."

"Shingo?" I asked, rather stupidly, on second thought.

"I need to ask him something about our class this afternoon.. the one with the programs we were writing last night?"

"Oh..." I squirmed out from the barely-open door and shut it behind me. I smoothed down my t-shirt nervously, feeling very exposed wearing the boxers in which I'd slept.

"Something wrong with your room, Tracey?" She rested a hand on her hip, waiting for an answer.

"Just, um, kind of a mess."

"I guarantee my room's messier. I never clean. But _you_, nature boy, happen to be a very neat individual."

I stared haplessly down at her. I was always a horrible liar.

Her sharp green eyes softened, and her smart-ass façade faded. Without it, she seemed so sincere and empathetic. "Oh, Tracey," she whispered.

"I swear it was an accident."

She hugged me without saying anything else. I didn't blame her, because I wouldn't have known what to say, either. She pulled away and gave me a small smile. "See, that's why I never get involved with anyone," she said. "But I have to admit, I'm a little jealous."

"What? Of me?"

She shrugged. "I mean all those times I say he's cute. Besides... I know a dark secret of yours, and now you know one of mine."

"I don't think that compares very evenly."

She gave a pretend exasperated sigh. "Fine. Last night I had a vivid fantasy about Shingo 'helping' me with my program." She made her little quotation fingers. I raised an eyebrow. "I have a single room too, you know," she finished. "There you go. Maybe sometime you can give me a few details about him, hmm?"

"Faye!" I blushed heavily.

She looked at me seriously again. "Should I ask what you intend to tell Noelle?" she said softly.

"Nothing less than the truth." I felt sick.

Faye nodded. "If you need any support or something, I'll be here."

"What do you think she'll say?" I was suddenly searching for some kind of assurance that everything was going to be okay. "This is really messed up and all.. I know none of this should have happened, and it's not like I ran around saying, 'I think I'll go cheat on my girlfriend because I'm at school now.' I swear it's not."

"I know it's not. You're not like that. You're the kind of guy who's just trying to find out some things about himself because he's still not an adult." She gave me a sympathetic smile. "If I know that about you after being your friend for only a month, I'm sure Noelle will understand that, too."

"I hope so." I sighed. "Thanks, Faye."

She nodded welcome. "I've had experience consoling others. My sister went through a lot of stuff. I've been playing therapist since I was nine."

She hugged me again and left to get lunch before class. I stared at the white concrete walls. _Noelle, I love you,_ I thought. _If you've accepted and loved me for everything I've told you up until now, then I hope you understand that I'm more confused than I've ever been in my life._

My door had still been locked when I shut it. I had to knock to wake Shingo and have him let me in. "What happened?" he asked.

"Faye's looking for you," I said numbly.

"Great." He sighed. "And I had been looking forward to my computer class."

"She's much wiser than you give her credit for. I think she'll leave you alone about a lot of things now." I looked at him sitting on my bed, disheveled and shirtless, that little trail of lavender wisps of hair in the center of his chest. Faye wanted him. She should have been the one to have him. If he would have her in return. Damn, I was beginning to like it better back when no one loved me. If I were to introduce Noelle to Shingo now, she'd tear him apart. If she didn't break me to pieces first.

"What's wrong?" Shingo asked me.

"I've never felt more sick in my life," I replied. "Noelle's going to call in a matter of days. I have to tell her everything."

"Oh..." Shingo combed through his hair with his fingers. "Well then. I'm glad I got to enjoy this time while I could."

It was strange how the only other time I'd felt a strong sense of things falling apart was when Ash and Misty reunited with Brock in Pallet Town. But the deterioration of my bond with Shingo, not to mention possibly my life with Noelle... that was a hundred times worse. 


	6. read:06

It should be noted that I didn't write this just for the sake of shounen-ai; I have other stories in the works for THAT. Rather, this is an intrinsic plot point for EW2 and 3, and it was also too much fun to write the extensive adventures of Tracey at PokéTech. Not to mention to have Shingo as a main character. Because of that, he's turned into a new favorite.  
But back to the first sentence.. because this story didn't end with pure boylove, please don't complain if it's going where you think it's going. Because really, I didn't expect it to turn out that way, either. The characters have once again dominated my fiction. Not that I'd tell them to stop. ^^  
In true Neek fashion, I'm planning a sequel. It's called Deep Green Eden.  
--Neekachu

**read:/06**

_[Shingo]_

Of course my mind wandered during my computer class. In between remembering the miracles of being with Tracey, I was racked with guilt that he was so upset by it. I never _wanted_ to seduce him. I especially didn't want to put his relationship with Noelle in jeopardy. He was a friend first and a sexy piece of man second, and now I'd done something forbidden. I wondered how much longer it would be before I could live with myself.

But damn it all, half the time I was brooding over it, the whole situation was worth it.

I felt Faye watching me throughout class. _If she makes one comment that's supposed to be funny,_ I thought, _I might have to haul off and slap her._

I handed in the disk with my program from last night and left the room quickly. Maybe I could lose her in the crowd.

"Shingo, wait!" I heard her call. She was too crafty. Running from her would only make her confront me later, so I stopped. I held my laptop in her case close to me, so she wouldn't get bumped by passing students.

I heard Faye stop behind me. I didn't turn around. "Whatever you have to say, just get it over with," I told her. "I'm not particularly in the mood to hear anything."

"Don't talk to me like I'm predictable," she said. I hadn't expected that answer. But then, that was her idea. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay," she went on. Her voice was subdued for her. Was she being serious? "I know what happened. And I wanted to say that... I'm.. I'm sorry for what's going to happen."

"Don't rub it in," I muttered.

"I'm not.. I'm just worried about you. I guess." She was talking really quietly.

"Don't worry about me. Worry about Tracey. He's the one with the girlfriend. I'll just be alone."

"That's exactly what I mean."

I looked at her from over my shoulder. "Why should you care?"

She sighed. "Look, whatever I did to offend you, I'm sorry. Let's start over. Hi. My name is Faye."

I turned around, raising an eyebrow and wondering what she was trying to pull.

"I came to PokéTech to learn everything I can and possibly be a researcher, if not a programmer or something," she continued. "Also because my older sister is Professor Audrey Holly, who just graduated from here a couple of years ago, so it was easy for me to be accepted. I like computers and video games, and I have three pokémon, Wartortle, Jigglypuff, and Ditto."

I stared at her. She sounded sincere enough.. but that was her expertese. She told me herself she'd made elaborate amounts of money -- mainly through online deals -- by telling people what they wanted to hear.

"I'm not trying to swindle you," she said, as if reading my mind. "The only thing I want from you is your friendship. If nothing else."

"Why me?"

She didn't answer. I thought she blushed, but she seemed to stop any redness from spreading across her cheeks.

I decided to trust her. Tracey did, after all. "It's nice to meet you, Faye," I said. "My name is Shingo. I'm at PokéTech on the recommendation of my former teacher, Muramasa, head of a training center and elite school outside Azalea Town. I also happen to enjoy computers and video games, along with anime on the side. My pokémon are my Scizor, named Blade, Ledian, and Porygon 2."

"Porygon 2!?" Faye squealed. "How did you get one of those!?"

I smiled proudly. "I was one of the top developers, all via email and chat. I sent some ideas to the team in the beginning, and they liked them so much they started work on the upgraded version."

Her eyes were sparkling. "I had no idea you did that kind of work! How much did you get paid?"

I chuckled. That was more like Faye. "Enough," I replied. "Plus my own Porygon 2, of course. And the recognition. It's a start on my contribution to my family's fame."

"Well, that's a lot better than writing virii for various corporations. I'm impressed, Shingo."

I was about to say thanks when I felt soft, cold hands grab my arm. "Hiii, Shingo," drawled Giselle. "How are you today?"

I tried to writhe myself free. "I'm, um.. you know, not going out with you."

"If you'd just let me change your mind..." She was rubbing her head on my shoulder. I managed to pull free with a final yank, and I clutched Cacao in her case close to me. "Time for me to head out. Do remember to give up." I glanced at Faye and ducked into the crowd, rounding a corner. I wasn't ready to go back to the way things were at the beginning of the semester. It had been easier to ignore Giselle with Tracey's company. A lot of things were easier with Tracey there.

I leaned against a wall and banged the back of my head against it, closing my eyes. I'd just admitted to myself that I wanted Tracey too much to let him go, and I was going to have to anyway.

---

_[Tracey]_

Faye was in my room that evening. I was stretched out on my bed, sketchbook open to a blank page. I didn't know what to draw. Mainly I was just thinking about the maelstrom of emotions churning inside, things I knew were there but couldn't begin to identify. I realized I hadn't called to complain to Professor Oak once about this. Not that he could help... besides, he had his own work to do.

"What the hell does Gekigengar mean, anyway?" Faye asked, reading the backs of the dvds. "It doesn't even look like a Gengar.. not really. A little."

"Yeah," I said. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, looking pensive. "What are you thinking about?"

"Something I want to do," she said vaguely. "I think--"

She didn't get to finish her sentence. The phone rang. I just stared at it. "Answer it," Faye hissed.

"I... I can't."

"Oh.." She jumped up and snatched the phone. "Tracey's room. This is his secretary. May I help you?" I stared at her incredulously. "No, he's here, I'm just screwing around. I'll tell him." She hung up. "You have a video call on hold in the lobby."

"Oh, God," I mumbled.

"Come on, I'll go downstairs with you." She walked with me out into the hall and down to the lobby. A student on duty was holding the video phone receiver for me. "Faye.." I whispered.

"It'll be okay." She squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile.

I sat down and took the phone, pushing the button before me. Noelle flickered into view. "Hi, Tracey!" she greeted me happily. "Here I am! Safely at Professor Holly's! Oh, hi, Faye!" She smiled wide.

"Hi, Noelle," Faye said. "Where's Audrey?"

"Showing Mondo and Erika around the lab. They'll be back in a bit. Hi!" She kissed her hand and pressed it against the screen. "Tracey, what's the matter?" Her smile dropped into concern.

"I.." I said, barely. I wanted to throw up. She was so beautiful and cheerful. How could I ruin her good mood?

"Tracey?" Noelle glanced at Faye for clarification.

"Um. I'll talk to Audrey another time, okay?" Faye said. She stepped out of range of the video phone and told me she'd be outside. I just nodded, not asking why she picked outdoors.

"What happened?" Noelle asked me. "Say something, Tracey!"

I stared at her delicately wavy blue pigtails and her pale skin. Then I licked my lips. "I love you, Noelle," I said. It came out hoarsely.

She paused, perplexed. "I love you too.. but why are you so sad?"

An hour later, I walked outside where Faye was waiting. "Aren't you cold?" I asked her.

"I'm fine. I took a walk."

I looked up at what stars were visible in between steel grey clouds. "Yeah. Good idea."

She stargazed with me, silently.

"She doesn't hate me," I said. I watched a cloud of my breath curl skyward and evaporate. "She said... she said exactly what you told me. I'm still young. I still have the right to explore myself." My arms were shaking, but whether it was cold or something else, I wasn't sure. I wedged my hands farther into my pockets. "But.. I still can't forget how she looked. How could I..."

"You did do the right thing," Faye said. "This whole situation has nowhere else to go but up."

"I just don't know if I can trust myself any more," I whispered. I sank down to sit on the sidewalk. I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on them. I didn't come up for a long time, and Faye sat beside me, rubbing my back whenever I shook too violently.

---

_[Shingo]_

And so I was alone. I slept alone -- my roommate didn't even come back last night -- I had breakfast alone, and I skipped Pokémon Biology 104 alone, because I couldn't face Tracey. I spent the hour emailing Lorelei, and prayed she would find the time to reply to me.

This being alone.. it never bothered me before. At Muramasa's school, the first two months here, I treasured my solitude. It was peaceful, and there weren't annoying people in my way. But now I craved Tracey's company. I was afraid I was in love with him or something, which would be very bad, so I tried not to think about it.

Out of desparation, I logged into one of my old chat room haunts. I didn't talk much, but it gave me a small comfort to watch the conversations of others, who may have been sitting alone just like I was.

I was glad the weekend was close. It was easy to shut myself off from the outside world. Saturday I took my laptop to the library while I worked my shift that afternoon. I went to a room on the top floor after that. Two students were quietly studying there, so I sat and played on the internet until the library closed. Then I went to the lobby of a dorm that wasn't mine, where I fell asleep on the couch, holding Cacao, my last companion, in my arms.

When I got back to my room Sunday afternoon, I checked my email. I had one from Lorelei, surprisingly. Her official address, pkanna@indigo.org, not her personal one, which, admittedly, I'd forgotten.

"My dear Shingo," it read, "of course I will always take the time to email you. I'm sorry I've been so absent, but it is truly work. I'm also sorry to hear about your recent relationship. I wish I could be with you to console you in person, I truly do. We shall have to talk at Christmas, if you like. Believe me, there is nothing more beautiful than to find love, but the pain that comes with abandoning it out of duty... well, that depends on each person."

She still hadn't forgotten her one and only love, whom she had to leave when she joined the ranks of the Pokémon League and the Elite Four.

"The only thing that matters is that you'll learn and grow from this experience," Lorelei's letter continued. "And, with any luck, you two can still be friends, like you said. There's no reason not to, right? It might be strange at first, but you should never throw away a friend."

_Do you still talk to your old girlfriend?_ I wondered. But then again, Lorelei and the girl had parted on rather unsettling terms. They weren't quite like Tracey and I.

"You will always be strong in the end, my brother. It's in your blood," she continued. "In between that, you can always email. Or call my house on Mandarin Island. Elite season isn't until next summer, you know. May your days be as tranquil as water and as strong as ice."

Her words truly did make me feel better. I looked around my room, thinking about seeing her again at Christmas. I was in the midst of studying my sleeping roommate when there was a knock at the door.

_He's not awake yet,_ I silently told the guest. When I answered, Tracey was there. I blinked back surprise.

"Hi," he said quietly, noticing my roommate.

I stepped out into the hall and closed the door. I didn't know what to say.

"Have a good weekend?" Tracey asked, a question more to my whereabouts lately than the rate of the past two days.

"Not really. I hung out in the library. I slept on a couch."

"Why?"

I looked away. "Are you mad at me?" Tracey asked.

I shook my head. "Just.. disappointed. Not with you. With the situation. And mad at myself that I got attached to you." On second thought, I faced him again and asked, "Did you talk to Noelle?"

"I did. She.. she forgives me."

I was truly shocked. She must have been an extraordinary girl.

"I know she's upset, and it'll take her awhile.. but she agrees with a theory Faye put to me. We're all so young. And confused."

"Of all the things I've ever learned," I said, "this is the only one that turned me into a ball of emotion." I was bitter suddenly. I never wanted to be so... angst-filled.

"Maybe that's a good thing."

Only Tracey could say it in a way to make it sound convincing. I gave him a smile.

"But," he went on, "this probably means it's going to be weird for us to hang out any more, isn't it? Which is really bad, because aside from the obvious, it's fun."

He'd read my mind. This was the cruelest kind of breakup. A thought struck me. "It doesn't have to be," I said. "We can start over. Hi. My name is Shingo."

Tracey stared at me incredulously. I stuck out my hand. Faye would be proud. "I like computers and anime, and I'm a very confused and sexually frustrated individual. I hope you'll excuse all that, of course. Because I'm also an expert programmer and novice hacker, so if you ever need anything, I'm sure I can get it for you."

He laughed at that. "Okay, Shingo. I'm Tracey. I like drawing and learning, and someday I'm going to take on the research of Professor Oak. I've seen some anime, and I wouldn't mind if someone showed me some more. And I have a girlfriend, but I try not to talk about her around others, for fear that I'm needlessly bragging." He shook my hand, laughing more.

I grinned at him. He really was the best.

I returned to Pokémon Biology 104 Monday morning well-rested and in a slightly better mood than I had been in all week. I took my usual seat next to Tracey, behind Faye, and she turned around to talk to us. She was smiling at me. "Guess what?" she asked.

"What did you do this time?" I replied.

"I.. fixed a couple of things for you." Faye paused to find the right word. "You have a new room you can move into next semester, a single."

My eyes bulged. "You _what!?_"

She closed her eyes and lifted her head proudly. "You can thank me in any way you see fit, of course. Perhaps a small donation to my charity."

"You don't have a charity," Tracey said, smirking at her.

"Sure I do! It's the Give Money To Faye So She Can Buy Her Own Anime charity."

"Why don't I just buy you some anime?" I asked.

"Oh, you'd do that for me?" she shrieked. "Shingo, you're so nice! Buying me a present!"

I shook my head. Then a cry from the front of the room distracted us all. "How could this happen!?" Giselle shouted. She was holding out a progress report. "Why are all my grades so low? I'm the top student! Oh, I'm close to academic probation!" She kept complaining over the consoling of her friends.

I gaped at her, then slowly turned to peer at Faye. She looked around the room innocently.

"Remind me to keep you away from a computer for one day, just to see what you don't do," Tracey told her wryly.

"I can't help it. She was annoying me, too." Faye stuck her tongue out and giggled.

Tracey suggested an _Gekigengar_ marathon that evening, to which we all agreed would be a good time. I was grateful -- and Tracey was too, I could tell -- that no mention was made of the circumstances of watching _Gekigengar_, but that's the good things about close friends. They know the difference between right and wrong things to say. 


End file.
